Why?
How many times has something happened to you according to this well known mantra:
"If something can go wrong, it will"?
Early Friday afternoon, I started to feel a slight pain in my right foot. Nothing major, just an irritating throb. So I did what most guys do. I walked it off.
The evening the pain was still present, but barely.
Saterday morning dawns: The first sunny weekend for me in Sweden in two months. Relatively little snow littered the sidewalks. Perfect day to take a stroll to Oxelösund's old town, about 3km from my apartment.
The pain from yesterday is still there and while I walk it gradually gets worse. I adjust my steps, taking more weight on my heel and not really bending my foot forward and manage to eliminate the pain!
Unfortunately, I just headed in the general direction. Like most guys, I didn't bother studying or taking a map. I mean, it's just a couple of km's that way. It would have been in summer, but while the roads and sidewalks are refreshingly easy to navigate, crossing the fields are not an option for me. I'm not going to plow through who knows how deep snow drifts when there is a perfectly fine road curving around halfway back to where I started that will hopefully get me to my destination.
I didn't get lost. I, like Granny Weatherwax, don't get lost. I always know where I am. It's the rest of the world that has a location problem.
But pretty soon I had another problem. I could see the Baltic Ocean shimmering just ahead, when I felt the start of a blister on my heel from my awkward and unnatural gait.
Brilliant.
To keep the blister from chafing, I have to bear suddenly very potent, sharp stabs of pain on the bridge of my foot.
I didn't leisurely stroll around for over an hour just to turn around when I was so close to my initial destination, so I carried on.
The Baltic Ocean.
The old town. 
A Cafe!...closed during winter.
and one VERY green house, that hopefully looks a lot better during the summer.
The stopping and staring at the peaceful scenes were rejuvenating, at least until I was halfway home. Then my foot started rubbing me the wrong way again. Literally.
I stopped to get bread and milk and brandy and coke on my way home. I was not going home empty handed.
Got home, refreshed my spirit with a single spirits and examined my foot.
It wasn't green (no gangrene), black (no frostbite), blue (sprained) or red (inflamed).
In fact. Just by looking at it, it looked fine. Even when I prod and finger it, at most I get a dull pain on my bridge, so probably not broken. But if I just try to move it up or left or right....
I am exaggerating, but I think breaking my leg was less painful.
I started rummaging through my closet for my go-to medicine.
There are basically 6 things I keep in my "medicine cabinet/plastic shopping bag in a closet/box in the drawer" back home.
1. Disprin. The only aspirin I ever need. For any ache or pain and even to help me sleep on the very rare occasion that I can't.
Unfortunately, they don't have Disprin here in Sweden. They have aspirin, but not disprin. It's like the difference between Coca-Cola and that other fake stuff.
Fortunately, since I only believe in disprin and not in any other aspirin, I brought some with me.
Unfortunately, the whole box was ruined. Somehow, the pills got contaminated and grew purple hairlike stuff on them. I'm NOT going to risk taking them. Yet.
2. Betadine. To keep a wound clean, I use betadine. (See what I did there?)
Not going to help me now. Not unless I carve up my foot to get a closer look.
3. Lennon's Jamaika Gemmer solution.
Mixed with some brandy and warm water, all your stomach problems are history. In fact, it is so good, that sometimes only SEEING the bottle can settle your stomach. Or would if you knew what it tasted like.
Also not going to help me now. (And I'm not spoiling the brandy today.)
4. Sinumax. There is just one headache Disprin can't do anything for. And that is a sinus headache that throbs just behing the eyes.
No help there.
5. Toothpaste. Technically not medicine, but it does wonders for me whenever I burn a finger or hand, which usually happens whenever I try to make something more intricate than toast for dinner. Probably an old wives' tale, but since they got to be old wives with all their tales, I tried it once and have had great success with silly burns since. It burns the living daylight out of you for a while, then it goes numb and there is hardly a blister and the mark goes away with time. I am, however, not suggesting that bathing in a tub filled with toothpaste will help with 3rd degree burns or anything. The things I mention on this blog are stuff that I, a renowned idiot, do and it is not intended as medical advice or treatment and I cannot be held responsible for plaque free, excruciating burns or any other negative effects. I am obviously not a doctor. (Sue free? Even in the US?) If, for some reason, anything I say helps you make massive amounts of money, a donation will be received with open arms and a big smile. No kicking gift-horses on my watch. Definitely not in the mouth. Although, a chew on my foot by a horse might help with whatever is wrong down there.
6. Voltaren gel. For sore muscles (not the salty, disgusting kind) and inflammation. The diagnosis, according to my own independent check-up by my most well-read personality, seems to be some kind of stretched or hurt muscle. Moving my foot around by hand only causes pain at the farthest points. Moving it by with my mind (via nerves and muscles..not telekinesis; although that would be something!) causes a lot of pain.
Unfortunately, I did not have the foresight to bring along voltaren or keep some in stock.
Unfortunately, unlike back home, shops close very early on Saturdays and only open on Mondays. Pharmacies closest to me, specifically, Monday 10:00a.m.
Fortunately, I did not need to limp to the nearest closed Pharmacy to find that bit of information. Thank you internet.
One lucky thing about heading home, was that barely half an hour after limping up the stairs, clouds started to blow in and it started raining! I already felt sorry for myself. How much worse would I have been dripping wet as well!
Even though Sunday also started out sunny, I stayed home. Kept my foot cold with some ice. Warm with a heater. Slapped it around with towel. And finally just left it alone, climbed in bed and watched movie. Legend of the Guardians. Good enough story, but the highlight was the brilliant animation. Really enjoyed it. Luckily my foot didn't fall asleep during the movie, else it might have kept me up all night.
Fortunately, the blister on my heel never swelled or burst and though it itches like an illegitimate offspring, it is a good sign of healing taking place.
Survived the 2km walk to and from work today, although at half the usual pace, with only one stop this afternoon. The pharmacy to pick up Voltaren.
I hope it is not only a psychological effect, but my foot already feels better.
And I know this is one Loooooong post with a capital long, but there is more to blame on Murphy.
I'll keep it short.
Problem: Software installation on work pc fails
Solution: IT department. IT department looks, recommends format and reinstall Operating System (Windoze).
Problem: Worker doesn't have time for that
Solution: requests testing of said software installation on other system. Also fails. No format and re-installation needed.
Problem: software install program faulty.
Solution: Get older version. Works!
Problem: Malware piggybacks on old version and crashes pc.
Solution: Anti virus/malware program....turned off during testing of software installation.
Problem: Malware prevents start up of anti-whatever programs or download and installation of new ones.
Solution: Safe Mode with Networking. Internet with step-by-step guide to remove specific malware. Skype buddies. Very long, thorough scan.
Result: Malware free. Time lost = Might as well have formatted and re-installed windows.
If you haven't guessed it yet, I am my own Murphy.
Post again later. Maybe. If I survive myself.
Njoy!
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